Per my instructor’s assignment, I
took a few moments to reflect on my own psychological, physical, and spiritual health
at the present moment. This is what I have decided.
On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the
healthiest level), I rate myself an 8 on psychological wellness, because I feel
that I have good coping skills to handle what life has thrown at me thus far
and, therefore, manage my stress fairly well. I also feel that I am a genuinely
happy person most of the time. I did not rate myself higher than that, because
I do find myself worrying needlessly at times. My goal is to continue to
improve my skills of self-reflection and relaxation in the midst of chaos. I
was an emergency room nurse and intensive care nurse, and I learned that it is
important to be able to know how to keep anxiety at bay when chaos is all
around. The activities that I do to maintain a low level of stress and to
maintain control of my own anxiety is consciously choosing what thoughts to
allow and what not. It is like continual meditation on the moment and not
allowing worry of what could happen (whether rational or not) to take over my
thoughts.
On the same scale, my physical
health is a 5. Two months ago, I would have rated myself an 8, but I have not
been to the gym in about two months. Now I feel tired, lazy, achy, flabby,
weak, and, at this very moment, very stiff. I strained my back yesterday doing absolutely
nothing. I didn't rate myself any lower than 5, because I am generally in good
health. I’m at a healthy weight and do not have any comorbidities like
diabetes, dyslipidemia, or hypertension. My goal is to get back to the gym as
soon as my strained back says so…maybe in about 7 days.
My spiritual health is currently a
5. I consider myself a Christian. I try to treat others and live my life the
way Jesus teaches we should, and I pray several times per day. I did not rate
higher, because I have felt disconnected from the church lately. I haven’t made
going to church or reading my Bible a priority for the last couple of months. I
would like to feel that connection with God that I once had. My goal is to read
my Bible after lunch each day and start going back to church starting next
weekend.
The audio relaxation exercise this
week involved guided imagery and progressive relaxation. Last week, while
trying to do my exercise, I had a house full of chaos and people. This week, it’s
just my husband and I at home. He is on a jog, so this is a perfect time for me
to relax. I started off by getting comfortable on my bed with my ice pack to my
strained lower back. Anyone who has strained their back knows that movement does
not come easy. I started the audio then realized that my bra was tight and
distracting, so I got back up with much difficulty, took it off and layed back
down with much difficulty. O.K. now I’m ready. Audio back on. As the guide spoke,
I felt like my muscles were relaxing but I still felt tense inside. Throughout
the exercise I continued to attempt full relaxation. Then I hear keys dangling,
doors slamming, feet stomping through the house, more doors slamming. I think
to myself, “This is very distracting and not very relaxing.” My husband is
stomping through the house and slamming doors looking for me. He’s not angry,
just loud. Then I hear his feet come to my bedroom door and stop. I try to ignore
him thinking that I can get back to relaxing and he will realize what I’m doing
and quietly leave. No, he stays. I open my eyes. I tell him that it is
difficult to concentrate on my homework with him just standing there looking at
me. He says, “I’m just trying to figure out what you’re doing”. He leaves and
leaves the smell of his sweat from jogging lingering in my room…another distraction.
Overall, I felt the experience was relaxing, and that all the distractions tell
me that I’m not very good at meditation.
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